| With less than a week until Christmas the president | | | | that the talks are progressing well and the elves may |
| of the UN, Ali Abdussalam Treki, has called an | | | | lay down their candy canes and surrender to US |
| emergency session of the United Nations to meet | | | | forces any time now. This is great news and a major |
| this weekend in Hawaii. He is deploring all the leaders | | | | move forward in peace talks. The Christmas |
| of the world to attend so that Christmas may be | | | | compound has been surrounded for the last week by |
| saved. He also noted that the weather this time of | | | | US Marines. One marine, on condition of anonymity, |
| year on Oahu is just wonderful and the waves are | | | | says his troops just want to go home and celebrate |
| breaking with some very nice tubes, in case any one | | | | Christmas with their family, but the President has |
| wants to bring their surfboards. | | | | asked them to do a job and they must obey orders. |
| The elves in the North Pole, at the Christmas | | | | Santa is still thought to be in the Cayman Islands in a |
| complex, are starting to talk. One elf, Peter | | | | rehabilitation clinic that specializes in food addictions. |
| Pumpernickel, says they miss Santa tremendously | | | | We got through to his counselor, who said Santa is |
| and want him to come back. They have taken up a | | | | progressing along nicely. He has been put on a diet of |
| collection to help with the payback of the bailout | | | | low fat cookies and 2% milk. Santa is stated as |
| money Santa has taken from the US government. | | | | saying he is determined to get this cookie problem |
| They came up with $7.23. This does not seem like | | | | under control and have his finances in order before |
| much, but they don't really make a lot of money as it | | | | Christmas, so he does not let the children of the |
| is. They also say that when Santa returns to the | | | | world down. |
| North Pole he will be given all the support possible in | | | | Just out, Barrack Obama, the President of the United |
| order to kick his cookie addiction that put the First | | | | States will be attending the emergency session of |
| Bank of the North Pole into bankruptcy and led to | | | | the United Nations in Hawaii. He says he thinks he has |
| this Christmas disaster. | | | | a creative idea on how this money can be paid back |
| The SCEP, Secret Cookie Elfin Project, is in talks with | | | | by Santa and a Christmas fiasco can be avoided.... |
| the Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. It is thought | | | | More to come. |